I don’t know what to say today. I’ve been on edge all day, about to pack my bags and just leave. I had a few beers this morning, stopped into Right Brain Brewery this afternoon and had a glass of their Firestarter Chipotle Porter. Delicious, I don’t know if it was worth me stressing so hard about my breathalyzer test tonight, but it was tasty. I’m grateful to one of my fellow criminals who pointed out to me that we don’t have to test until 10:00pm. I thought it was 9.00pm.
I was told this morning that if I don’t pay all the debt I have with this transition house, including the time I spent unemployed and looking for work, I was told if I don’t pay all of that I won’t be able to go anywhere including my sister’s graduation. I’m not going to name the person in charge of this decision but I’ll just say she is not a very likable person.
If you’ve ever watched the Louis CK bit about day-drinking, well today has reminded me of that bit. He says something like, “You ever watch a movie and there’s a couple of business guys in an office closing a deal over a glass of whiskey? How are those guys, like five minutes later, not just like, ‘uhhh fuuuck, I can’t believe I drank whiskey at three o’clock in the afternoon”, or something like that. Well today I gave in once again and bought a couple of beers this morning. It felt great for like half an hour, but the rest of the day has been hell on Earth. I wanted to feel better, so instead of just toughing it out, I went to the head shop and bought some kratom. What a waste of money. Not only have I just learned the transition house will be testing for kratom soon, but I felt absolutely nothing. Luckily, I didn’t take very much so I don’t think it’ll be a problem. I tried to take a nap this afternoon, but that didn’t work out very well. I fell asleep for a few minutes watching YouTube. The day did improve a little, but ultimately I’m just ready to call it a night and try again in the morning.
I went to Lutheran schools growing up and definitely consider it important to my upbringing. I believe there is something deeper that permeates life and transcends our material, mechanical existence. I also believe the Bible is the single most important text in Western culture, and I find Christianity to be comforting, even if there is a great deal of nonsense involved with it. I’ve read all of the major books of the Bible such as the Gospel of John, Proverbs, and Psalms. Last year I started reading the King James Version, just a chapter or two at a time, and so far I’m in Leviticus. Since I’m in such a fowl mood today, I thought it’d help to read a couple chapters. Now, I don’t have any tattoos, and I don’t judge anybody with tattoos, in fact, my half-sister is apprenticing to be a tattoo artist, and I think that’s badass. I always knew that die-hard Christians tended to either be totally against tattoos, or there’s always that one girl who’s into death metal and covered in tattoos and who also claims to be a Christian. I always knew, like a lot of things, there was some religious commentary on the notion of tattoos. I’ve heard more than a few times the line, “your body is a temple”, and such. But I had no idea there was a verse in the Bible that specifically addresses tattoos (or at least something similar). In Leviticus 19:28 it says, “Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the Lord.” I suppose I’ve sinned as I actually burned a triangle into my left wrist in high school. Now I wonder how common, if at all, it was to get tattoos in Israel many thousands of years ago. I’m not curious enough to actually look it up though. It’s time for bed.
You ever wake up and have a single tear roll down your cheek and not know why exactly? Well this happened to me this morning. It happens every now and then. Just all of life’s sadness compressed into one moment.
On my way to a meeting this morning, I stopped into Oryana, the local natural foods grocery co-op and bought a single twelve-ounce beer. A strong 7% IPA from the Ore Dock Brewing Company in Marquette. I haven’t drank in months but today had to be the day where I had to sneak one in.
Today, I called a couple of British visa consultants’ offices in London, seeking advice on whether they thought I’d be able to take a trip there next year, given my criminal history. The general opinion was that I should apply for a tourist visa after I pay back my court fines, even though Americans generally don’t have to do this. I was very grateful these people took the time to answer my questions, free of charge. One even called back with more information.
A few weeks ago I went on Black & White Magazine’s website and signed up to have a free issue sent to me. It said it would take about six weeks to arrive. I was excited to find an issue in my mailbox, which, on the cover, above the barcode, says usually costs thirteen dollars. I look forward to thumbing through it over the next week or so. I’ve looked through a many Black & White before, and that along with Aperture and Wired are some of my favorite magazines commonly available.