So I didn’t go to jail for skipping AA to go to The Brew but I’m still a little worried about seeing my probation officer tomorrow morning. You see, I’m on felony probation for passing out in a Rite Aid storeroom, waking up after they closed, and drinking every alcoholic beverage my bladder could handle. That happened last April. On January 28th I had been sober for about a month. I picked up an unopened Natural Ice I found in the snow and chugged it in the bathroom of the bus station. I proceeded to drink several bottles of wine and passed out in the Bayshore Resort. I was arrested and charged with trespassing and a probation violation. The trespassing was quickly resolved, but it took about fifty days before I saw a judge about the probation violation. Those fifty days weren’t terrible. I caught up with an old friend, watched MSNBC and the Super Bowl, ate Twinkies, and read. The judge released me with the added condition that I take all medication as prescribed. I’m currently prescribed Naltrexone and Olanzapine. I haven’t been taking them every day and there’s a record to show. I’m worried that my p.o. is going to violate me tomorrow.
Naltrexone is an opioid antagonist that’s supposed to reduce the desire to drink and block the pleasurable effects of alcohol. I believe it’s working for me. It may be a placebo but I used to drink at every opportunity I could, now at least I’m blind to alcohol and at most I’m repulsed by it. There’s a lot of talk online of the “Sinclair Method” where a person drinks small amounts while taking the medication and I guess it’s supposed to retrain the brain not to value alcohol as much.
Olanzapine is an anti-psychotic that I take at night. It’s used to treat schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. This one doesn’t seem to do anything that I can notice. I wonder if this stuff does anything at all. Is this shit just a sugar pill that big Pharma sells to crazy people who are caught up in the mental health business? I don’t like the idea of taking psych meds, period. I feel like a guinea pig for the mental health industry who’ve built a business turning people’s spiritual, emotional, and social problems into a way to sell weird chemicals like Olanzapine. Maybe that’s the schizo in me talking.
I haven’t been taking these medicines as often as I’m supposed to. Not because I’m opposed to taking them (although a part of me is) but because I just forget sometimes. Hopefully my p.o. doesn’t bring it up in our meeting tomorrow.